Red Dawn
by NewXDawn
Summary: Akatsuki Daily life, Hilarity is guaranteed
1. Dinner Distress

Red Dawn

Chapter 1: Dinner Distress

-Akatsuki Base-Grass Country In the Kitchen-

Deidara: Danna, I'm hungry, hm !  
Sasori: Shut up, brat.  
Deidara: But danna!  
Sasori: Dinner's in like five minutes damn it stop whining!  
Kisame –Walks in- What's going on in here?  
Sasori: Deidara keeps whining about him being hungry!  
Kisame: -Snicker- An S class missing nin, who didn't complain one bit after completely losing both arms, is whining about being hungry  
Sasori: Shows how mature he is.  
Deidara: But kisame danna I haven't eaten in FOREVER!  
Sasori: H-hey! He gets to be your danna to  
Deidara: -shrugs- Why not, I mean I respect him, yeah.  
Kisame: :D  
Sasori: You bastard!  
Hidan: -walks in- Whats up heathen fuckers?  
Kisame: Aren't you supposed to be cooking?  
-Pein walks in-  
Hidan: I finished, lets eat!

-Later at dinner-  
Zetsi: -munch munch-  
Pein: Damn it Zetsu no eating ninja's at the table!  
Zetsu: Hey! You guys are eating vegetables, we]could be related to them or something!  
Kisame: Are you seriously half plant?!  
**Zetsu: Are you seriously half fish?!  
**Hidan: Hahahaha.

Sasori: Can't we sit down for ONE MOMENT with out all you kids breaking into fights.  
Kisame: Kids? I'm 32  
Sasori: I'm at least 45  
Kakuzu: You yourself are a kid sasori, I'm a good 100 years old  
Hidan: -cracks up- You pansy's are so young, I've been around for fucking ever! at least three times longer than Kakuzu!  
Itachi: Hn –uninterestedly turns his head-  
Deidara: Aw, itachi-_san_ is sad that he's still just a teenager, yeah. –Sticks tongues out-  
Kisame: A teenager that can whoop your ass, so I wouldn't be laughing.  
Itachi: -smirk-  
Diedara: N-not anymore, yeah! My eye can conquer the sharingan, hmm!  
Itachi: There is no eye that can conquer the sharingan.  
Pein: I'd watch your cockiness, itachi. –smirk-  
Itachi: Hn…-slurp- this is delicious, what [did you say this was again] hidan?  
Hidan: Old classic, shark fin soup.  
**-SHAVE-**  
Hidan: AH SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK WHAT WAS THAT FOR!  
Kisame: What the fuck are you doing cooking sharks?!  
Zetsu: Oh so vegetables are okay but he cooks sharks and suddenly he's in trouble?  
Kisame: Damn it Zetsu, shut the fuck up!  
Itachi: -Walks away-  
Hidan: Kakuzu you fucker, help me! Sew me together!  
Kakuzu: -snicker- Hmmm…..NAH  
Pein: Guys, can you sto-  
Hidan: YOU MOTHERFUCKER KAKUZU!  
Kisame: -Hauls Samehada onto his back- Retarded insensitive cook. –follows Itachi-  
Sasori: 300 years old, mind of an 8 year old  
Pein: Really guys eno-  
Deidara: I couldn't agree more danna, yeah! –Snicker-  
Hidan: DAMN IT KAKUZU  
Kakuzu: Stop screaming, brat!  
Sasori: Scream at him to stop screaming, that makes sense  
Kakuzu: Shut the hel-  
Pein: OK THAT'S IT YOU'RE ALL DISMISSED GO EAT SOMEWHERE ELSE, EVERYBODY OUT!  
-everyone but Pein Konan and Hidan leave-  
Pein: What did I sa ?!  
Hidan: I cant move shithead  
Pein: -Glare-…. -Punts hidan's head-  
Konan: -throws hidan's body-  
Pein: They're all so freaking old, yet so immature  
Konan: Especially hidan  
Pein: -Nods-  
Konan: Kids…


	2. Surprise, Surprise

Surprise, Surprise

Hidan: Why the fuck did you call us all in here?!

Pein: Important matters.

Kisame: It must be quite important leader-sama.

Pein: Indeed

-Sasori and Deidara walk in-

Hidan: What the fuck took you heathens so long! We've been here forever.

Sasori: The brat felt the need to blow our cover, and make us kill 30 or so Sound nins.

Pein: Sit down everbody, I have news.

-Everyone sits-

Pein: *sigh* The demon child, kyuubi's container, has been avoiding us for too long now, me must strike.

Itachi: Hn. –turns head-

Kisame: That sounds, interesting –grin-

Hidan: Does this mean?

Pein: Yes, we shall all together, strike Konohagakure, take them all out, aside from the Jinchuuriki.

Kakuzu: What a waste of funds.

Pein: We have wasted enough funds trying to capture him secretly, we are doing it totally by force now.

Zetsu: ….

Pein: You stay look out, and tell us if any village comes to back them up, because of your…well, you know.

Zetsu: -Nods-

Pein: ….None of you think this is impossible?

Sasori: We are the akatsuki, we have more than enough power.

Pein: You guys aren't even surprised? It's a whole village with a kage and stuff.

Hidan: Pinochio over there is right, We're fucking invincible

Kakuzu: YOUR fucking invincible, the rest of us are just damn strong.

Kisame: Itachi is fucking invincible too

Sasori: As am I

Pein: You guys are nothing compared to god.

Konan: Are you all really _that_ cocky?

Pein: ….

Konan: Aside from Pein

Sasori: Im a fucking puppet, what can they do?

Deidara: Burn you, yeah?

Hidan: -CRACKS UP- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCKING PANSY LOSER!

Sasori: I have three scrolls which give me near infinite power, I can control one hundred puppets at once, I killed the Kazekage and turned him into the most lethal puppet ever besides me with his crazy Iron sand technique. How the hell could anybody stop me?

Kakuzu: I have mastered all Elements and have some of the strongest techniques of each element, including fire-

Deidara: -chuckle-

Kakuzu: -Glare-….anyways, I am FIVE people, and you have to kill me FIVE times, and by the third heart I would get serious, me and my partner though stupid, are unstoppable together, unlike you and that brat. No matter what element you are, I am your weakness, no matter who you are, you are merely a thorn on my side, I have fought nearly on par with the first hokage, what could any youngster do against me?

Hidan: Fuck all you stupid ass heathens. I have jashin- sama's powers and blessings, I am fucking immortal and with the combination of my scythe and Shiji Hyōketsu Justsu unless you expressly know me I am fucking _unstoppable_

Kisame: Really, not to throw my name in here, but im pretty good too. More chakra than all of you put together, plus some. Summoning of oceans, and sharks that literally can't be stopped since they are just chakra, and with Samehada, most of you could barely stand a chance.

Deidara: C4 karura, 'nuff said.

Itachi: How can any compare to the power of Mangekyu? Ameratsu, Tsukiyumi, Susanoo, I summon a fucking god

Pein: I _am_ a fucking god. None of you could even THINK of comparing to me.

Konan: ., im sick and tired of all you men! None of you ever stop being competitive, oh and Pein, you _are_ a fucking god, that's sleeping on the fucking _couch_. –Leaves-

Pein: Awww, konan –follows-

Akatsuki: -BREAK INTO LAUGHTER-

Kisame: -between fits of laughter- Hey at least I wore the pants in all my relationships!

Hidan: Hahaha, what a fucking pansy!

Itachi: -chuckle-

Tobi: -dark voice- _**So which of you thought you were the strongest in akatsuki!**_

All: O_O

Deidara: Danna, im scared, yeah!

Sasori: Me too

-All runs except itachi-

Itachi: You, are still dependent on _me_ thus making you weak.

Tobi: -glare- Don't play with me, uchiha boy

Itachi: Hn…


End file.
